Existing in stunned limbo

Dea is home from Europe. She had a fantastic time, even with all the teen drama... For now, I do not recommend Sending your kids on a People to People program. I will try to elaborate at some later time.

My family and I spent the weekend with dear friends, the "T's", camping on their property on Montana Creek. We were joined by 2 other families as well as the T's best buddy and beloved "uncle" to their children. A kind, loving, and LOYAL man, living singly without family in Alaska other then the T's, that my family always very much looked forward to seeing. We all suffered the death of this friend on Saturday as we hiked to a nearby river. From our family, only Lo was spared the sight(as far as we can tell).

My head is spinning as i try to hold the images at bay. I am truly not able to see past the next second. Just wrestling with the unanswerable question,"Why." and trying to make peace with the images emblazoned in my mind. Another friend who was present was very comforting in her advice to "keep the heart open when the images come and let his spirit go in peace." I added, for Dea's sake, to turn what she saw into an image of him, and his dog, spouting angel wings and running together, happy, to a better place. A place of no sadness or loneliness. A big green meadow where that dog can around with all the big stupid branches his crazy heart desires.

She saw. Jesus Christ GOD DAMN it. FUCK!
I wish I could take it all upon my own shoulders, take if from her and spare her of it. I would take it all if I could. Bless her in all her 13 year old wisdom. "I know everything happens for a reason. We don't know what it is but it makes us who we are." She has endured ENOUGH in her 13 years. I'm so Godamned MAD right now. At that lazy selfish PIECE of SHIT biological "mother" of hers DO YOU HEAR ME WOMAN?!?!?!? Do YOU FUCKING FEEL ME RIGHT NOW wherever the hell you are?!?!?! She came from your own fucking body and you HURT her. You bitter self absorbed piece of shit. You threw away a precious child and a wonderful man who's true beauty could only shine in your absence. You never knew him. YOUR LOSS. And fuck you, too, sarah palin while I'm at it, with those beautiful children at home who need their godamned mother. You could loose them all in the blink of an eye, you twit. Why do you "women" give throw away your CHILDREN?!!??! I'm so FUCKING mad at that shit ass dog. She never would listen. She never came. Stupid fucking animal. I'm MAD at that train track for even existing and MAD at that mean scary train that,"didn't care about anyone's feelings" as Lo put it. Mad at the sound of a train whislte- at the vibration you still feel even when you think you are far away...

Kay. I'm back from the Not Happy Place....But is Dea right? What will this do to her? Turn her into a stronger, better person? or shut her down more than it already has? ...I would bear it all for her if that was the case...

I can't see beyond the next second...
What I do know is that while my family is awake I DON'T want to be plugged into this box, this FALSE world. I want to be PRESENT for/with them. As much as I love writing-at this moment-it's not worth the time it takes me away from them. I know I will have to wrestle with the idea that I need to have the things that enrich ME and make me whole-and how to better incorporate them into my life shared with others. At This Moment, unless my family is sleeping or not at home, I can't fit this in when I could be with them. When my head stops reeling, I'll try for the mornings when all are asleep. And I will still be looking at the wonderful lives you all live around me for I have gained so much from you all on a daily basis that enriches my life and in turn, my family's.

When you receive such a slap to the soul as we did this past weekend, you wake up to the realization of how fragile life is. How it is there one second and gone the next. By all means live your lives to the fullest, but hold it dear. Try not to let the little things get in the way. It's NOTHING. A friend recently wrote something that touched me: "You don't know how wonderful something is until you feel it slipping through your fingers." (Thanks, Jen )Try not to take the ones you love for granted. Thank Spirit every day for what you have. Truly.
Life....like the lightest feather.

And take your mother-effing puppies to OBEDIENCE SCHOOL for the love of god.....

Kiss my ARSE, St. Pat

You won't find any shamrock cupcakes or construction paper Leprechaun hats or rainbow plushies over here on MountainPulse today. Inspirationally, it's been a slow few days and I've been having a bit of the withdrawals from all the wonderful crafty colloquiums out there because so many people are enmeshed in the whole St. Patrick's Day thing and I won't be a part of it. There's no celebration here.

I won't celebrate the decimation and destruction of other's cultures and I won't celebrate some superficial facet of the holiday of another religion as my own. Learning about and respecting another religion's holiday with my children is one thing...
But you wouldn't find me celebrating Ramadan...Just because it's Ramadan time.

St. Patrick did not "drive the snakes from Ireland" (naturalists are convinced that larger reptiles were never part of the fauna of the Emerald Isle...and that includes no snakes BEFORE St. Patrick's time either!) St. Patrick played a part in culturecide and murder. Like so many other cultures and earth/nature based religions that have been destroyed in the name of Christianity. I dig Jesus. Jesus would roll over in his tomb with all this malarkey.

According to the legend, St. Patrick stamped his staff on the ground to rid the snakes out of Ireland. The snakes that were "sent from the island" were the Druids, medicine women, shaman and pagan population- people who lived in harmony with nature. At first, his methods were insidious. Luring in and gaining the respect of pagans, utilizing their symbols and tools to weave their beliefs into Christianity. Bon fires were lit in false respect for their fire gods. The shamrock, symbolic of the Triple Goddess, became the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. A circle, representing the sun, was incorporated into the Christian cross. But the Christian Church taught its missionaries that if they could not convert any natives, they were to use any means necessary to convert the nonbelievers. The Druids refused to relinquish their beliefs and convert to Christianity. St. Patrick realized if he could eradicate the symbol of the oroborus(a snake eating it's own tail) -often worn or tattooed on a druid's body- he could take away their power and leadership ability. So the snakes we're removed by force. He whacked the tattoos -placed on whole chunks of skin, or limbs-off their bodies, branded them off, and/or took their trinkets. For their own good, of course. St. Patrick is said to have incited the murders of almost eight hundred Druid priests and priestesses. He destroyed all of their records.
Another culture lost to the crucible of Christianity.

For those who are Catholic, this is your day. A religious observance of a Catholic Saint, his death and what is viewed as his accomplishments: thirty years of converting pagans to Christianity and building and setting up monasteries and places of worship all around Ireland. Traditionally a holy day in Ireland, spent eating a feast with family and worshiping in church, it has been hijacked and turned into a boozefest. A capitalistic wet dream like so many other holidays. An excuse for non-Irish and/or non-Christians to get busy wearing green and being drunk at 9am. The Wearin' of the Green and the Brownin' of the Shorts. Another example of disrespecting other cultures. Do we honor the Irish by getting falling-down drunk? !!? Isn't it a mockery of a culture who may have a propensity toward alcoholism? There are studies indicating that there is a genetic predisposition to alcoholism in the Irish:

Genomewide linkage study in the Irish affected sib pair study of alcohol dependence: evidence for a susceptibility region for symptoms of alcohol dependence on chromosome 4 Alcoholism is a relatively common, chronic, disabling and often treatment-resistant disorder. Evidence from twin and adoption studies indicates a substantial genetic influence, with heritability estimates of 50-60%. We conducted a genome scan in the Irish Affected Sib Pair Study of Alcohol Dependence (IASPSAD).

St. Patrick's Day is without question the biggest celebration of a national day across the globe. In big American cities, in Moscow's Red Square, in Montserrat (the only place besides Ireland to declare 17th March a full public holiday) and even in Nigeria, people bedecked in green will be proclaiming themselves Irish for the day. St. Patrick's Day has traditionally been celebrated with more fanfare abroad than in Ireland. I'm sorry....but, What the fuck?!?!?

Celebrating my Irish heritage as well as Celtic spirituality on this day is not outside my realm of interest. I've thought of "rebelling" and taking this day back. By reliving the long-lost traditions of the Celts, telling stories, serving a feast, and discussing history, theology, spirituality...
I admit haven't given it a lot of thought, and I probably should. How to incorporate a pre-Chistian celebration on this day? How to distinguish it from and the hullabaloo that goes on today, for my children's sake? I should plan to have something more concrete for next year, but there is still time today for us to make this wreath of the banished serpents!

ATTENTION, AKSHAMU!!!!

Sorry folks, but.......

AKSHAMU, in the past couple of months you have foisted yourself upon my blog with the ugliness, insults and accusations that are so typical of the far right. You have accused me of being a homophobe, a bigot, an elitist, and stupid. Despite the fact that I have been forthcoming and pleasant in inviting you to elaborate, you have yet to substantiate your words. Then you proceed to boast your virtuous righteous indignation with statements like, “I feel sorry for the values you appear to be raising your kids with.” And “God save this country from the likes of you.”
“What else do you call your vitriol against a woman[Palin] who merely holds a different view from you?”

I call it EXERCISING MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS!

“Sarah Palin has strong personal views …”

So why is that acceptable and suitable, but if I have strong views, I’m a (along with the above name calling) conceited, pathetic, coward with a warped life?!!

Let’s talk about a warped life! Why is it that so many of those from the religious right who profess to be so godly, didactic , so upright and honorable, are often the ones with the SMARMIEST of skeletons in their closet? Values? Morals, AKSHAMU?!?!
After doing a simple GOOGLE search on your username I found out that YOU have quite the interesting hobbies! YOU, a "large but shapely" douche-bag looking for "activity partners" on the Alaska Dating website, are a MARRIED man searching for an affair! Does the Wife know that you are out looking for "Butt Sluts" on the web? Any luck finding broads to philander with in Fairbanks?!?!?
And you have the audacity to challenge MY morals?!?!?!

BWWWWAAAAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Stay the hell away from my blogs, Tax Man.

"Battlestar Command" called, they want your intellectually deficient and warped brain back for incineration.

Fuck stick.

WHO IS SARAH PALIN?!?!? Her RNC speech

(kiped from the KoKon)

YAWWWWWWNNNN…..
Same old same old.
A Bush-crafted speech.
Geared toward the 5th grade mentality. The usual Rep. talking points…her old speeches regurgitated…..with much base nastiness thrown in. Oh, and lies & omissions & half truths. About as authentic as an Hermes handbag made by a sweatshop kid in China.
What a great cross section of the US. ~Snort!!!~ A jack in the box audience of Caucasian bourgeois and blue hairs.
The most glaring thing(besides the ALIEN hairdo and Chola make-up) was that that speech was absolutely devoid of any substance. Hello!! POLICY?

Of course, the Hollywood Media loooooved her.



Some of the fiction:

1. " I accept the call to help our nominee for president to serve and defend America."

~So utterly irresponsible and self-absorbed…

2. "To the families of special-needs children all across this country, I have a message: For years, you sought to make America a more welcoming place for your sons and daughters.I pledge to you that if we are elected, you will have a friend and advocate in the White House. "

~No, you WON'T. Palin actually slashed funding for schools for special needs kids by 62%. Pre-Sara, Post Sara
She also OPPOSED CRUCIAL HEALTH CARE AND SENIORS FUNDING



3. " I was just your average hockey mom, and signed up for the PTA because I wanted to make my kids' public education better."

~However brief



4. "Before I became governor of the great state of Alaska, I was mayor of my hometown."

~ Randi Rhodes(political talk radio) stated yesterday on her show that being chief executive officer of the KISS army is more difficult them being mayor of a town of 5ooo.



5. "As for my running mate, you can be certain that wherever he goes, and whoever is listening, John McCain is the same man."


~McSame remains the same?!


For an extensive list of McSames flip-flopping on the following issues: National Security Policy, Foreign Policy, Military Policy, Domestic Policy, Economic Policy, Energy Policy, Immigration Policy, etc., etc.... go HERE.



6. "I told the Congress "thanks, but no thanks," for that Bridge to Nowhere."


~The deal was already chain stoking when she came in to place the pillow over it’s face- a politically viable project no more. The money was still there but the language specifying where the money was to go had been removed by congress. The ball was already rolling for funding other transportation projects when Palin came on to turn her back on the BTN after the public out lash.



7. "Our opponents say, again and again, that drilling will not solve all of America's energy problems - as if we all didn't know that already."


~Sara, did you forget? And I quote you: “I beg to disagree with any candidate who would say we can’t drill our way out of our problem or that more supply won’t ultimately affect prices. Of course it will affect prices. Energy being a global market, it’s impossible to venture a guess on (specific) prices.”



8. "But listening to him(Obama) speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform - not even in the state senate."


~Is she retarded? Not a ONE?!?!?


* Ethics Reform: Obama was the Senate's point person on ethics reform, and sponsored or co-sponsored the bills that made up what the Washington Post called "the strongest ethics legislation to emerge from Congress yet." I'm also a fan of this bill, which I think of as the Journalists, Bloggers, and Citizens' Muckraking Empowerment Act: it creates a searchable database of recipients of federal grants and contracts.
* The Lugar-Obama initiative to strengthen the Nunn-Luger framework for securing loose nukes, and to extend it to securing and destroying stockpiles of conventional arms. (For instance, shoulder-fired missiles that could be used against passenger airlines, fired at our forces, or used to make any number of ongoing conflicts more deadly.)
* Various bills concerning the response to Hurricane Katrina, including an amendment putting strict limits on the use of no-bid contracts after disasters, requiring planning for the evacuation of people with special needs and senior citizens, creating a National Emergency Family Locator System, etc.



9. "America needs more energy ... our opponent is against producing it."

· ~Obama plans to
· Provide short-term relief to American families facing pain at the pump
· Help create five million new jobs by strategically investing $150 billion over the next ten years to catalyze private efforts to build a clean energy future.
· Within 10 years save more oil than we currently import from the Middle East and Venezuela combined.
· Put 1 million Plug-In Hybrid cars -- cars that can get up to 150 miles per gallon -- on the road by 2015, cars that we will work to make sure are built here in America.
· Ensure 10 percent of our electricity comes from renewable sources by 2012, and 25 percent by 2025.
· Implement an economy-wide cap-and-trade program to reduce greenhouse gas emissions 80 percent by 2050.
New Energy

Where was McSame when congress was voting in bill S.3335?!?!?



10. "Victory in Iraq is finally in sight ... "



~What.The.Eff.Is.She.Talking.About?!?!?!?!?!?!?!



11. “The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes ... raise payroll taxes ... raise investment income taxes ... raise the death tax ... raise business taxes ... and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars. My sister Heather and her husband have just built a service station that's now opened for business - like millions of others who run small businesses.”


~ That would be raised taxes for only 2% of American households. The majority of Americans will feel some relief. And how is it that folks making $250,000 a year are considered “middle class’? The median income level in New Canaan Connecticut ( considered the richest town in America)is is $231,138.





I'll try to refine and add more later...

UPDATE: Wiping the filth off my chin after listening to McPain's ego-fest. Mr. McMeMeMeMe

YAAAAAAAWWWNNNNN, part 2, in technicolor.

Palin= McCain's human viagra

REBUTTAL

7/23/08: I've come back to expunge the majority of the original "rant". The whole situation on your part was just sad. Pathetic. And I'm pissed at myself for playing into it. But I guess it was worth the ejection of 7 years worth of feelings -after 7 years of not really having a voice about it.

I leave you with this:

Shame on you. After the divorce my husband bent over backwards for you. To protect you. You will never know the extent he went to in protecting your feelings with the hopes that you could heal and be an appropriate mother. NOTHING that has transpired in the last 7 years was done with the purpose of hurting you. If, in our attempts to do the right thing for our child, you have suffered…what can I say? IT HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT YOU. Only my daughter and what was best for her. When we decided it was best to give up and not push your relationship with Dea there was no sense of vengeance. There was…..nothing(with the exceptions of the times that your actions or inaction's hurt Dea. Then, of course, there was distress). We have a blessed and ever evolving life with our children, family and friends. Our time is WAY too precious to spend trying to make you PAY for your past addictions or mistakes(Who CARES anymore?!), much less give you much of a thought. Get over yourself-It’s not ALWAYS ABOUT LISA... We never sought out your personal information. YOU revealed your lifestyle to us through your own carelessness. What, exactly, were we to do with that? We did what any good parent would do. The only thing we are "guilty" of is being insensate when dealing with an unreasonable person regarding the future of our child.

I hope someday you get the help you need to release yourself from your need to seek us out after all this time and unleash your paranoia upon us. No one is hunting you down, seeking revenge, or demanding reparations. It was, in fact, YOU who found this blog, somehow. It was YOU doing the hunting and harassing. Transference, much?! Can you not see that? In addition to the hurts of the past, you've now re-entered and invaded OUR lives. It is SO HARD to forgive the past when one attempts to PURPOSELY emotionally assault another with the vindictive intent to cause pain and embarrassment. And now I'm guilty of the same thing. I apologize for sinking to your level. But when it comes to an off beam attack on me or my family...I will state the TRUTH loud and clear.

I wish you the peace of mind you need and that someday your demons will rest. Always have.

*Photo of owl protecting her nest: Copyright © John Henderickson. I WISH I took that pic!

SUBWAY sandwiches= TASTELESS.

I kiped this post from A Little Garden Flower in order to spread the word regarding SUBWAY's current campain:
"Karen from our list sent this along this morning and I was shocked. They have in one contest excluded over 2 million children! To find out about their contest, visit this link The fine print for the contest reads:

'Contest is open only to legal US residents, over the age of 18 with children in either elementary, private or parochial schools that serve grades PreK-6. No home schools will be accepted.'

Comments can be made at: http://www.subway.%20com/Applications%20/CustService/%20frmCustomerServi%20ce.aspx"

Lame, lame, lame!!!! Check this out: http://www.americanthinker.com/2008/05/subway_bans From the above link: "Homeschoolers, offended by the ban, spontaneously -- and almost literally overnight -- organized a national Subway boycott that already has Subway's corporate spokesman hunkering down. All this happened over a holiday weekend, a time when people usually have better things to do. Imagine the impact today when millions of homeschooling parents are back in front of their computers, and discover what Subway has done to them.



So, if a kid wins athletic equiptment for his school, do the "illegal" kids not get to play on it?!?!?

Traumatized! Injured! And cantankerous!

Why am I traumatized? Saturday. Birthday party. Chuck E. Cheese. That’s effing why. Need I say more?

Injured? Cuz it snowed- AGAIN- Monday night. Enough to gently cover the roads in a soft white blanky while we all slept. “We” including all the fancy shiny plows and sanders and the folks who operate them. Unsuspecting cars off the road everywhere the next morning. Not including mine, though. After taking note that my car was NOT curving with the road down the steep hill to the bridge, I just shot us up a VERY conveniently-by the love-o-god- placed rocky rutty nasty steep driveway. Badda bing badda bang badda boom bumpity bump bump…. WHIPLASH .

Cantankerous? Because it’s supposed to be fucking spring and I have WHIPLASH. And Chuck E. Cheese nightmares.
‘Scuse my Fronch.

Oh. And now my car is stuck SIDEWAYS in the driveway.

Gonna be kind to myself and go buy a scroll saw. RIGHT Mama Randa?!?!?!?!?!?? When the car gets unstuck. Sweet.