V Day!

*GAAAHH!!  I never posted this!  better late then never....

V for velocity  virus vistaster VALENTINE'S DAY!!!  Yeah!  Let's start with Valentine's Day.  We decided to go easy this year, no big dinner out and no prezzies, since we'd rather save the money for fun over in Italy!  Plus, we rigged our trip so that we're there in wine country for our 12th wedding anniversary!  Romantic enough, yes?!  And an important milestone anniversary.  What better place to celebrate this beautiful thing we have...that impossibly continues to grow more deep with each passing year?  So, we opted to stay home for a family evening with Willa and get a nice pizza delivered.  And of course we got each other prezzies.  Miles sent a lovely bouquet of roses to my work and gave me a pair of unique copper earrings.  I splurged on a sensational bottle of Barbaresco...the female to Barolo's male.  Grapes from the Peimonte region in Italy.  The most gorgeous wine to ever cross my lips.  The pizza came in handy since we had no heat or hot water.

Let's back-track a day.  Thursday night, Willa and I get home from school.  I head straight to the bathroom with a full bladder.  The toilet seat was FREEZING.  Wait a sec....I still have my down coat on.  It's CHILLY in here....  Uh, oh.  Sure enough, I give the baseboards a feel, check the thermometer.  Ooo!  58 degrees!  I give Miles a heads up and call Karl with a K, our handy handyman.  Our boiler set up is in our crawl space/basement and only accessed though a trap door in the floor of our CLOSET(eye roll).  I get in there to remove the door and turn the light on for Karl's arrival.  Oh, My Fucking GOD.  There is a WATERFALL cascading from our Quietside heater.  There is a foot of water in the crawl space.  Things.....are floating everywhere.  I frantically call back Karl to let him know things are REALLY SNAFU and hurry up!!!!  Willa is in tears thinking the water is going to flood the WHOLE upstairs as well and is frightened when I put on my Xtra-tuffs to get down there and salvage what I can.  Fast forward a few hours, Karl has come and gone, the water shut off and now draining, a part will be ordered, wood stove is blazing, several space-heaters are set up around the house to keep things warm enough to not have pipes freeze and plants die, and Miles and I are hauling up nasty wet trash from the crawl space.  I tell myself it's just junk, a lot of it was going to be given to the Salvation Army anyway, too bad it got ruined.  All our important beloved stuff is upstairs anyway....  Then Miles upends a plastic bin that had tipped over and took on water.  It contained most of my photo albums. Pictures from my childhood up until about age 30....most of which I had taken.....DESTROYED.  Out of hundreds I saved maybe 40-50.  A decent cross-section of years.....but, MAN, it was still a blow.  And what.a.mess.  This vistaster was not taken well by all.

Our little family pizza and wine snuggle fest in our chilly house eased the pain on Valentines day.

Beauty in destruction?

The next morning we escaped headed into Eagle River early to drop Willa off at the Ski bus that would take her and a ton of other very happy kids to Alyeska for the day to have a downhill ski lesson.  Miles and I followed in the car.  We had beautiful clear weather for our day of skiing.  As soon as I got off the lift onto the slope, I killed it! I skied the BEST I have skied in my LIFE!  I think it's from all the skate skiing I've been doing...they seem to compliment each other.  I even took on a great deal of speed that I usually would have been freaked out about. I seem to have entered a "less fear" zone when it comes to velocity!  Willa enjoyed her morning lesson and skied with us for the rest of the day.

 And here we are on Sunday.  Still no heat or hot h2o.  Hoping our part will be delivered and installed  tomorrow.  Continuing to haul up trash and organize all that didn't get wet in the basement.  This has actually been a project on our to do NOW list for quite awhile. The basement has long been a catch-all and storage of all things What Should We Do With THIS?  I'm thinking if we are brutal in our choices, we can cut this shit down by 75%.  It would be a breath of fresh air.
We took a break to make the chocolate dipped strawberries we had promised Willa we could have for Valentines day.  Can't wait until they have cooled and solidified!
And as I have been sitting here, I've begun to feel a "pressure" slowly build in my chest.  That itchy solid feeling that usually signifies a chest cold coming on.
Yay for viruses?  That's all I need.  But the strawberries....that will make it all GOOD.  Right?

Continuing with my All Things Italy as well! ;)
Brings me joy.

Happy New Year...2014!!!

This year, I made up my own damn meme!

1.       2013… was your life a pond or a river?  At times, I felt like life was a rushing river of events.  Finally finishing our new addition, Dylan’s decision to enter the Air Force , graduating highschool and leaving home, a summer full of exploring new places, fun vacations….  And at other times it seemed quite like a still quiet pond.  My work environment stayed the same, my art is at a standstill because I have no place to paint freely(and when I had the chance to paint outside, I made the choice to play elsewhere), physically I did not experience reaching new goals like I had in 2012.   

2.      What was the impetus for growth this year- body, mind, and soul?  BODY:  Due to my illiotibial band injury and my sprained ankle at the beginning of the summer, no real physical changes were made.  That was hard to take-especially the fact that I couldn’t run over the summer.  I missed many of the summer races….but Miles and I where at least able to run two half marathons using a basic “run for one minute/walk for one minute” routine.  It was more of a restorative routine to protect our bodies that were not used to intense running at the time.  My gym routine is in maintenance mode and I am REALLY needing a change to switch things up and awaken my muscles and get ready for more intense building.  I DID nourish my body this year with all the amazing and HARD hikes we did!  MIND: I’ve made more time for reading this year to feed my mind.  I’m feeling the urge to go back to school…not because I don’t like my career…I just enjoy school and the idea of starting something new and different is very appealing….but in reality, not very likely any time soon.  I have started a Rosetta Stone course in Italian, though!  SOUL:  I would have to say our entire summer was balm and food for my soul.  See my “Something Special Every Day” posts.  What an incredible summer it was!  On the daily meditation that I talked about last New Years, I have failed.  I was SO revved up to make it the start of my day every day, even if for only 5 minutes.  Routine and distractions always get in the way though.  With ADD, quieting the mind is just.so.hard.  I think I’m the type of person who would benefit more from the structure of mediation on CD, or a group, or a mentor to check in with periodically.  I just can’t seem to make it happen on my own.  As for my hope to step up my writing, I’m pretty happy with how I have kept it up.  Not as often as I would like, but more then I had been doing.

3.      What freed your soul?   Themes of letting go presented themselves quite a bit this year.  In letting go of hurts, disappointments, not putting up with toxic people and situations, I was often reminded of these lines from the serenity prayer:  “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change……….. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.” (Just to clarify: I’m not an addict, but like many, I find comfort in those words)

4.      What bad habit did you discard?  Habit?  Well, it’s more like the addiction of screens.  I’ve talked about this before.  And I’m happy with the progress I’ve made in keeping my screens off way more often!  I have a way to go and I plan to continue to improve in the next year.  Using the internets for communication and personal edification is one thing…..loosing yourself-and time-in it is another.  Another ADD problem.

5.      What magic presented itself?  When I think of magic, I think of Willa.  More than ever, she is such a joyous child.  And so very loving…intensely as of late.  Her developing sense of gratitude in life, empathy toward people and creatures, wonder at the world around her, physical abilities and expanding mind are a wonder to see.  She really is coming into her own wonderful personality…not a carbon copy of us, but her own true self.  And her own brand of humor is a joy!   Holy jeezus, I hope this doesn’t disappear with adolescence.  I would have to be committed at that point…

6.      What 3 words embody this past year?  PEACE, above all……Change…..exploration….

7.      Who fed your soul?  My family, always….My wonderful husband. I am constantly moved by how we just become closer, our understanding of each other deepens, we simply love each other more and more with every passing year.  We are very much our own person and yet so wonderfully entwined in many ways….a perfect blend.  Deepening friendships with a handful of good people.  As always, getting outside and playing!

8.      What new skill will you master?  Italian!!!!  Master?  Not so much….I hope by the time we head to Italy I’ll be able to have a basic conversation.

9.      Is there someone out there you would like to strive to be more like in 2014?  I’m pretty happy with myself but realize there is always room for growth.  This past year, I’ve had to take a close look at my shyness-riding the cusp of social anxiety, actually- and how it has worsened over the years…how I have changed from who I was in my 20’s.  I have always been shy and tentative around new people.  But that seems to have morphed into being seen as “reserved” even when I think I’m being “myself”, sociable, open, lighthearted.  A friend pointed out over the summer that I seem so outrageous on Facebook but am pretty reserved in real life.  Yuk!  An eye opener.  While social media has been wonderful for staying in touch with some great people, and allowing me to have a voice in a way that I had never experienced when I was younger, it has also enabled me to be less apt to reach out to people in real life.  Socializing from the comfort of my living room is so EASY!  No real judgment, no awkward silences, no struggling to break the ice.  I have allowed it to really change me and I need to nip this shit in the bud, NOW!  I’m so grateful to have found some new friends this year that I feel comfortable being my true self around.  THEY might not see the full me yet, but I do, when I’m with them.  So, is there someone out there I would strive to be like?  My duty is to strive to be the highest form of myself, whatever that may be, but my friend Noel has always been the person that I have said I would like to be if I could reincarnate after death.  I met Noel when I lived in Montana and was instantly blown away.  She, in my eyes, lives life fearlessly, without a care for what people think, in whatever way feeds her soul.  The type of person who would break out in dance at work to some crazy tune, shave her head to see what it would be like, express herself with a wide open heart and mind experiencing whatever interested her in life.  GOING FOR IT.  She is an artist, a thinker, an explorer, a champion for women and girls entrenched in sex trafficking….and soon she will be a mama. 

10.   What was the most important lesson learned this past year that you will take into the next?  Number 9 segues nicely into this one.  Because of my shyness, I missed out on knowing a wonderful person…perhaps making a family friend.  Our neighbor, Stephen, lived a couple miles down the road.  I’m sure we had all often been at the same events in the past, but I had never officially met him.  He was very active in and an integral part of the LGBT community as well as Progressive political groups.  We ran in the same political circles and struck up a “friendship” on Facebook over the last couple of years.  Stephen was known as a quiet but very kind, gentle and giving person, an avid outdoorsman and a brilliant mind.  He was always making political signs for use to use at sign wavings, marches and to stake in our yard.  We always seemed to have trouble crossing paths when he came over to drop them off.  But Stephen often invited me and my family to go hiking with him, he gave us permission to hike on his property up the side of a mountain to a saddle between 2 ridges.  He offered to share some of his many flower and native plant starts for my yard and deck.  Because of my shyness, I never made it a priority.  There always seemed to be something else going on. I always thought there would plenty of time to get together with Stephen…  You NEVER know when a person will be lost forever.  Stephen went missing in October.  His neighbor was alarmed when he hadn’t seen him for 2 weeks.  There was an investigation and search of his home and property.  Nothing was found, no foul play suspected.  His phone was charging, his wallet on the counter, radio on playing NPR, a half eaten bowl of popcorn by his chair…it was as if he simply vanished in thin air.  People wondered if he had had a mental breakdown and just….left.  Some thought he dropped everything to go on an adventure.  He may have attacked by a bear while working on his property…….gotten hurt on a hike and succumbed to the below zero temperatures……I joined a group helping to alert the public about Stephen’s disappearance…to get his face and info known….I stapled his “missing person” poster on all the mailbox fences up and down Hiland road….I prayed that he would be found safe and that we could finally hike together, talk politics over dinner at our house, visit his gardens in the summer…. 

Stephen was found a month later, dead deep in his basement, by his brother who had flown out to help.  He had been crushed by a slab of concrete he was digging under to expand his basement shop.  I postponed our meeting too long.  I will never meet Stephen, have the chance to get to know him or make him a friend.  I missed out on knowing a wonderful person.  I won’t let this happen again.  Off with the computer…hand outstretched IN THE REAL WORLD.

11.   What good deed will you do this year?  I have always wanted to print out kind thoughts, inspiring sayings and pictures of beauty on cards to distribute with Willa around town.  On gas pumps, ATM machines, tables at coffee shops, random mailboxes…just to give people a surprise pick-me-up!

12.   Where will wanderlust take you this year?  Italy, Austria and Switzerland!!!!  We’ll be visiting Dylan at Aviano Air Base and traveling around from there.  I.Can.Not.Wait!!!!

13.   What new music, books, foods would you like to explore this year?  I will take the time to further explore my father’s massive collection of classical music as well as getting more acquainted with the latest Indian influenced ambient dubstep.   I’ve also taken a step back in time and have been enjoying a lot of the metal bands of my “youth”!  Books!  Not enough time! I’m working on finishing the Fire and Ice series.  I’m really in a medieval fantasy mode right now.  Foods….going with the Fire and Ice theme, Santa brought me the Feast of Fire and Ice cookbook.  I’ve been drooling over George R. R. Martin’s descriptions of decadent medieval meals since I started the series!  I would love to host a medieval themed party with foods from the books!

14.   What will you make happen in 2014?  Connection with REAL people, physical goals-weightlifting gains, skiing/running race personal bests, finding the time and place to paint again, exploring new territories of all kinds, continuing to find something wonderful in every day…

 

Our New Years...

Lunch at Humpy's, a fantastic skate ski on the Hillside trails-Willa did great keeping up!, home to warm showers, hot mulled wine and an evening of games we got for Christmas.  Various firework displays lit up our valley at midnight....Today we gobbled Mile's sticky buns for breakfast, went for a mellow 3.5 mile run with Willa, and spent the rest of the day lazing and watching an LOTR marathon!

 

Remember Chinese jacks??!

"Would You Rather..." THIS game is right up a 9 year old's alley!

 

 

Christmas Day 2013

Christmas morning fills my soul.  Flat out.  Following our traditions, I wake up, take a shower, put coffee on, turn on some celtic-y Christmas music, light candles, get the kiddo up allow the child who has been awake for hours to come out of her room, wake up Miles if he isn't already, and settle in next to the tree with all it's new gifts.  We first relieve our stockings of their goodies to enjoy while the cinnamon rolls bake. Then we DEVOUR those godammned miraculous confections with a second mug of coffee....  When dem bellies full, we head back into the living room to open presents.  I always play Santa, it seems.  We spend time digging what we gave and got.  And THIS year, for the first time EVER, methinks, I didn't feel like I had to rush and leave my little pile of fun to go somewhere else!  When I was a kid, no sooner then your presents were open, you were whisked away to church-catholic, ugh-and then to the aunt and uncle's house for Christmas dinner all the while yearning to get back to your new treasurers from the North Pole.  We took our time passing around gifts-Willa and Dylan will still get some "Santa" gifts, we'll continue to "pretend" he is real-and it was so sweet to each receive a huge hug and "thank you!" after each gift she opened!  I'm so happy for her that she seems to have true gratitude within....I believe it makes a person more whole, purposeful, happy and satisfied in life when they can see beyond themselves and truly cherish what they have.  It was GRAND and GLORIOUS to just hang out on Christmas Day!  Basking.......no rush...... What my dad would describe as a
  
"nice.........................................................................
                                       leisurely....................................................................
                                                                            time...............................................................".

And when we were ready, we got cookin' in preparation for our friends to arrive for dinner.  At OUR house!!!!  Another first!  Finally having a proper dinning room and big table to seat everyone for a feast.  Finally!  And a feast it was!  Our Christmas Eve and Day dinners were the best I think I ever had!  A brined and smoked turkey hen, mashed taters with a smidge of bacon grease, candied yams, fresh bread and butter, spicy cranberry chutney and oyster/deer sausage stuffing(These ROCKED mah belleh, if I don't say so myself!!!!), red wine and an out-of-this-world brussel sprout dish that our friends brought.

WE ATE LIKE KINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  KINGS!!!!!   Mother of baby bacon fat covered jeezus..........

Miles and I (and Willa, too, I'm sure)  are so grateful for our friends, the Ruiz's.  We met them about a year and a half ago at the Salmonstock Music festival.  They were camped at the same campground as we were.  Willa and their daughter, Lily, found each other and hit it off right away, playing on the beach.  Moms and dads introduced themselves and we've been buds ever since.  I feel like I can relax  and be myself with them.  The type of friends you'd pick to live in a commune with....or if shipwrecked on an island.....

We did a "Chinese gift exchange" which is always a fun way to exchange gifts.  I threw in a pair of 3x grannie underwear for fun!  We were hoping to play our Cards Against Humanity game that Santa brought, but the Ruizes all had head colds and were feeling the need to head home.  It was a wonderful evening and I really hope to make Christmas Day dinner at our home a more regular event....



Sweetheart....

Fun with Christmas lights!



Weeeeee!

 

My 5th grade revisited and passed to Willa...The great Gilly Hopkins and Chinese Jacks!!!  Remember those?!?!



A new telescope!!!  (remember that foreshadowing?!)  Here I am trying to reenact the photo of the jump in the air I did 10 years ago when we got our first telescope

This year's hand made gifts.  Dig the candy bowl Willa made for her daddy with an old vinyl record!  I made Miles and Willa plaques to hang running medals and beer brewing awards on.  (beer awards are Miles, of course).  Willa made a lovey painting of birch trees and a toy for the kitty!

LOOT!

cheers!

Fukinlovem!!!  Our music lovin', booty shakin', outdoors hangin', laugh-a -lot friends!  And the adults are cool, too.

 

Chinese gift exchange

Perfect!  Ho ho ho, indeed!



Happy Mother's Day, mamas!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Mamas!  Thank you for being your dedicated, amazing, nurturing, compassionate selves!  We (and our partners) are blessed with the most difficult, important and rewarding job there is.  Honor it.
As both an adopter and an adoptee, I feel extra privileged that I was CHOSEN by both my mother and my eldest daughter.

I'm feeling very grateful that my mom is here with us today.  It's been years since we have spent a mother's day together!  This is a very tumultuous time in my life and I'm needing my mommy.  So glad she is here to share in some special events with us...Willa's birthday, Mother's Day, Dylan's graduation and grad/goodbye party....and she will be here when we deliver our little girl into the hands of the military...the last time she will be living under our roof. 
Can't breathe.

Photo by Mathew Crockett Photography

Today's prompt is "What do you miss?".  I'll keep it short since I have more important things going on today...

I miss my best friend like nobody's fuckin' business.  My soul sister.  There is just nothing like her...or the depth of our friendship.
I miss Montana and gardening with my best friend, my husband.  Solo soulful backpacking trips....
I miss my sweet dog terribly.
I miss my fat lovin' kitty cat.
I miss my step dad who truly took on the task of fathering me and was the best ever.
I miss the man my dad was back in the day.
I miss my grandma who was my biggest supporter and who taught me to find joy, wonder and solace in nature and in quiet.

...But I have SO terribly much to be happy and grateful for in the NOW.  So off I go into a lovely day with my family...lunch in town, sofa shopping, and a hike.

New New Year's Meme

    

 Ya-fekkin'-hoo'!  Finally a new New Year's meme other then the SAME one that has been floating around webs for years!  Every year I Google around for a new and different meme but it's always the same one.  Actually found this one making the rounds on Facebook:

 

      1.   What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

First and foremost, that Dylan's ongoing mystery illness did not turn out to be any kind of auto-immune disease or IBD...or worse.  Turned out to be gastritis due to some virus.

      Also, upward mobility-emotional, economic, physical.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened? 

      Trying to accept the injury my body sustained (Iliotibial Band Syndrome) from doing too much too soon…and learning to listen to and respect my body’s need to heal.  Even if that meant not running until spring.


3. What was an unexpected joy this past year? 

          Our wild wacky Halloween night in Vancouver!

4. What was an unexpected obstacle? 

      Yeah…that would be being plagued with depression and anxiety at the beginning of the year.  Can’t say it came out of nowhere, I’d been having a bit of anxiety since my dad and uncle died, but the sudden drop and severity of it was definitely unexpected.  You know things are bad when I actually assent to going on a little Mother’s Helper.  I’m a big proponent of exercise, good diet, and open communication to stave off depression…but this just bowled me over.  So, thanks Lexapro.  Things got better right away. 

      And then there was the illiotibial injury in late summer.  After the highs of training, running races all season and a MARATHON, seeing myself become so much stronger in mind and body, being sidelined-perhaps till spring- was a huge blow.

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.
Challenge(as in “rising to the” )…heartbreak…evolution

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2012 (don’t ask them; guess based on how
you think your spouse sees you). 

      I guessed:  Challenge…injury…progress

              He actually said:  Progress…injury…growth


              7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2012 (again, without asking).

               I said:  Challenge…paradigm shift…progress

  He actually said:  Progress…re-ignite…snowy


8. What were the best books you read this year?

Born to Run (again), The Snow Child, Classified Woman

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

Miles, my kids, my bff Mel, my mom.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Rising from an amateur runner to a marathon runner!

 

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally? 

Early in the year Lexapro helped me to get back on track…challenging myself and getting myself moving took me to new hights emotionally.


12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually? 

I have been terribly LAX in working on my spiritual self.  The desire/need to do inner work has always come in waves for me…but life changes or just allowing life to beome too  routine has sometimes swayed my practice.  But the last couple of years have been seriously spiritually DRY!  And I have come to the realization that while I’m not an atheist,  I really despise any organized religion and nonsense having to do with our lord and savior sky daddy.  Thanks right wing evangelical douch nozzles and tea bagger freaks!  It all seems SO amazingly Troglodytic to me!  In a nutshell…my beliefs tend to lean toward a blending of a higher creator type, quantum physics, dimensions and energy.  Anyhoo, about 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt an incredibly strong need to spend some time going within and getting my energetic shit together.  I don’t know why it came on so strong…and all sorts of subtle messages have been pouring in regarding meditation and energy work….relevant songs and news reports on the radio, out of the blue book/website recommendations from random people, finding out that my 2 local go-to energy workers are no longer available to me-one died and one moved…

So I will be heading into this new year with the intent to establish a daily meditation /self exploration routine to help raise my vibration and shit.


13. In what way(s) did you grow physically? 

Running free, running happy, running strong!  I built up some killer calf and leg muscles, a stronger heart and lungs, and soaring spirit(I know, that belongs with #12)

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others? 

My relationship with my hubby is always stable in it’s evolution.  In not allowing life to get stagnant and too routine, our doors are always open to new experiences to share with one another.  We both truly relish the LIVING of LIFE!  I really enjoyed our running evolution with each other this year. 

As for other relationships, I am thankful for the wonderful friends I have…”growth”, however?  I think this year my relationships stayed the “same”…and, due to my earlier depression and later injury, I feel that I didn’t make myself very available for growth with friends.  My deepest friendships are with folks who are far away…and that makes me sad and longing for closer and/or newer relationships where I feel I can truly be myself…feel accepted, supported and respected for that. 

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work? 

Re: Massage Therapy:  Knowing I’m really helping the clients I work with…and having that backed up by stellar feedback!

Re: My art:  The pure physical and emotional expression and release that painting gives me.

 

16. What was the most challenging part of your work? 

Re: Massage Therapy:  Working for someone who does not respect Massage Therapy despite the above!  And the fact that there is no room for more holistic work.

Re:  My art:  Loosing my muse for long periods of stagnancy.  Feeling like I have to limit myself to a certain style or genre because that’s what sell, thus losing my muse.  See the cycle??  Plus, I hate marketing myself publically.  My shyness gets in the way.  I SHOULD be rising to THAT challenge…..


17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
I admit it.  Sitting in front of a screen, whether it’s the TV, my laptop, an iphone, etc.  is addicting.  My ADD brain goes right into hyper focus and the concept of time disappears.  I truly intend to head into the new year with a rigid schedule of when I turn this thing on and turn it OFF.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

 Challenging myself, in many aspects of my life, to keep pushing past my comfort zones a little at a time.  This year was lived WELL.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year? 

That I really am capable of rising to a challenge and achieving a lot.

 

 20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you. 

“2012 came in like Woody Allen and out like Buddha” ?

or

“The Year of Living on a upward trend of emotional peace and happiness, running hard, worrying, loving strong, letting go, waiting and waiting….all the natural process of evolution.”

 

And a very happy New Years to all!!!!