(To anyone who is not familiar with Waldorf education, this post will probably seem like a pathetic and whiny, dare I say "elitist" rant, so please bare with. For more info on Waldorf goto Why Waldorf Works.)
After 2 years of immersing ourselves in Waldorf education~through the Aurora Waldorf school, reading countless books, the abundance of learning from and making friends with all of you WONDERFUL Waldorfy blogging families, and implementing this philosophy into our lives...Lo started full day public school Kindergarten today. And I could just die.
1st day of kindy
Our only other option was a wonderful Waldorf-based charter school that is part of the Anchorage school district. We had toured it twice and felt that it was a good alternative for us. Like all charter schools here in Alaska, admission is based on a lottery system. I knew that going in-but the "fairy tale" aspect of me said,"We have put so much effort and dedication into Waldorf education..it has become a big part of our lives....this educational paradigm absolutely resonates with the type of child that Lo is-the type of people WE are...we would be a great asset to that school in our commitment to it ....everything will work out fine, we'll get into that school." I put all my gnomes in that bola basket.
Obviously this little fairy tale shan't be coming true any time soon. Last March I put Lo in the lottery and she was 59th on the list. The class holds 10 children. I was in tears when I found out but I also remembered when the Principal told me that they had about 70 on the list last year and they blew through them by the first weeks of school. All summer I have held on to that hope-the unknown hanging heavy around my neck . I remained diligent-writing e-mails and calling once a month to check on her status. When I was in New Jersey I called to check in since school was just around the corner. I was told that at some point someone had called in and declined her position. I politely WENT THROUGH THE ROOF. No one on our end had called to pull her from the list. By the time I returned to Alaska she had been put back on the list. They told me she was now 54th on the list. So much for "blowing through" all those names...
I had told myself that even if she didn't get in, she could stay on the list and we would just transfer her when the time came. But that was when I thought her name would be working itself down the list quickly. It could still happen. But when? 2, 3 years? Will the fact that she's been in public school learning things in kindy, 1st, 2nd that she wouldn't normally learn until the higher grades pose a major problem?
My inner turmoil is exacerbated by the fact that I have come to loath not only public education, but all the mainstream commercialised nonsense that other children are exposed to and bring to school. Hannah Montana tee-shirts...kids who wanna play Transformers(WHY didn't Transformers die out in the 80's?!?!?)...All the junk food. We now have Lo in the Open Optional charter program that Dea was in. At the time, when Dea was entering 4th grade, I found this program to be a wonderful alternative and closer to a Waldorf philosophy than anything else(the Waldorf charter did not exist at that point). We had every intention of putting our newborn in the same program when she was 5. Oh, my head spins with how fast time has gone by.... But from all that I have learned and experienced in the past 2 years, anything else anymore is just not "acceptable".
But I understand I HAVE to accept it. In the interim I'm being positive for Lo's sake and pro-active by volunteering. After all, as a friend put it today, our 2 girls learned to walk in the halls of that school as their older siblings attended and we volunteered. It's been 2 years but I am familiar with the faces and the inner going-ons of the program.
Look, I've had people say it to me ad nauseum... I KNOW there are, have been and will be GAZILLIONS of children who go through the public school system and turn out JUST FINE. I know that Lo, an inherently bright child, will do well wherever she goes...But there will be an inner.... "lacking" for lack of a better word, on different levels. Maybe with the influence of our Anthroposophical environment at home and our continued relationships with Waldorf minded folks, this lacking will be minimal. Let's hope. But to put it simply, once you have experienced filet mignon, you can't really get into a cafeteria burger, ya know? When I walked into her classroom last week for the evaluation with her kindy teacher I wanted to just weep. It was so cluttered. So overstimulating. The walls jam packed with crap. Blazing primary colors and bins upon bins, upon bins of plastic toys and manipulatives. No softness. There were no dress-up clothes or babies to love....ugh this is killing me.
In my SOUL... I KNOW that if most of those gazillions of children had/have a Waldorf education the world (and our floundering country) would be an infinitely better place.
Over this summer I learned a huge lesson. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I accept that this situation will bring us to a better place. But some prayers and good vibes sent out that Lo gets into that charter school couldn't hurt, huh?
But if one more well meaning person says,"Awww. Don't worry. You'll see her at the end of the day!" AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
18 comments:
Oh, MAN. Big (((hugs))).
I hear you on not just hating the public education, but the 'stuff' that naturally comes along with it - the pop culture stuff. That makes my toes curl now. One of my SILs told me that my daughters will be 'seriously deprived and socially challenged' if they don't keep up with - and own little pieces of - the current 'it' thing, whatever that is (Bratz, Hannah Montana, ad infinitum).
I really hope the situation works out for everyone very soon. I'll be thinking of you.
Oh! I don't think you're a bit whiny! I think my heart would break sending the kids to school (even a Waldorf school at this point, though we started homeschooling because there aren't any waldorf school around here!). But all the things you're hearing are true, just the same- she is smart and wonderful and school will not kill that. You won't let it. You'll be there, engaged and supportive, and who knows what amazing and wonderful things she'll learn? She'll make it, you'll make it, and I just bet she grows to cherish the peace and beauty you provide at home, without taking it for granted like she might without the contrast of public school to point up how special her own home is, you know?
Lo is so a cutie. :) You've got my prayers, that something great will happen, and she'll get to go to the school you really want for her.
It's a crappy spot to be in.
:/
We're not led by a Waldorf flavor, of course... we're way to 'puter and video friendly, but when I imagine putting one of my babes into The System, and being expected to cross my fingers and hope for the best... no.
Doesn't cut it.
I have no advice.
I thought charters were publicly funded, and were the difference because parents put in time??? Is that not the case? 'Course, I know there are waiting lists, which I checked into upon Trev's birth... before the hs/unschooling light shined upon my dim head.
I'm not good [read: gracious] at bowing to the greater power. Not THE Greater Power, you understand... but the self-appointed greater power. No capitalization for that one.
I've rambled on and on and said nothing... to disguise that I got nothin'.
I hear your pain.
I'll be watching and pointing in your direction when I get the Divine's attention.
xxoo
Keep her on the waiting list and keep praying...she won't be "ruined" by some time in public school, much as it is icky. Especially with the home environment that she has, the foundation you've given her, her natural creativity and sense of wonder...those won't leave her.
I'm halfway to where you are...my kids are in a private, non-Waldorf school. So there are computers and early learning pressures, but there are also uniforms (no Hannah Montana shirts, yay!) and the teachers and staff are full of love and devotion to the kids. Public school will have good points, too.
But keep her on that waiting list and keep your chin up :-)
PS: I don't think it's elitist to recognize when something doesn't match your values. Same as if you were fundamentalist Christian and didn't want your kids in public school because of what you felt were immoral influences. You want what you feel is best for your children, period.
I wonder how in the hell someone declined her spot when her name was called. BS. (Conspiracy theories running circles in my head.) I'm also surprised they didn't put you higher on the list after the misunderstanding. Regardless, stay on the list. It may take weeks. It may take till next year, probably not longer, though. She'll get called again, sooner, rather than later. At that time, you can assess how she, you and Huz like where she is at and whether or not to move her. Yes, things do happen for a reason... sometimes. Go with your gut when she gets called again. Because it WILL happen. Our choices do shape our lives, and the lives of our children, but there is often more than one good choice/option.
I can't believe that Dea is a freshman! She was in like kindergarten the last time I saw her! Damn, I'm feeling old.
BTW, glad to see you're back on-line. I've missed you this sumnmer. :) Mwah!
I so feel your pain, except that we don't have a Waldorf school here so there was no romantic notion that my kids *might* get into one. I am lucky that my daughter goes to a arts based charter school that I do really like (for many of the reasons that I appreciate waldorf education), but my stepsons go to regular ol' public school. It's hard sometimes, which is why we strive to incorporate as much as possible at home. I have such a hard time fitting in as a mom though and feel like a kill-joy at playdates when my kids' friends find out that we have no video games, little tv time and no plastic. :) (Someone asked Elizabeth, upon learning that she was having a art/Celtic music themed birthday party, if she didn't like Hannah Montana, and Elizabeth looked puzzled.) So cry away, is what I'm trying to say, I guess. I do sometimes too.
PS. Your LO is VERY adorable in her school garb though. :) And I love how the brown brush in the first photo look like the shadow of fairy wings on her.
I don't think I'm going to be much comfort. My 8 year old did one year in public kindergarten. It didn't kill him, but it certainly didn't help him much. The first day I met his teacher, I requested speech class for him, because he was having trouble with pronouns and with being understood by non-family members. He was assessed by the school speech therapist, who also thought she should work with him, but she couldn't start until he had an I.E.P. (an individual education plan). We did not get an I.E.P. meeting until May, which is when we were told he did not qualify for speech, because he had scored to low on an I.Q. test he had been given. The only service he would be given was a helper when he took standardized tests.
There were 25 children in my son's class and he is very easily distracted, so he learned nothing. He was not very mature and wanted to play when the teacher wanted the kids to be quietly working in their seat, so he was constantly loosing his recesses , which he really needed to work off some of his energy.
One of the requirements of kindergarten now, is to know the first 100 Dolch sight words by the end of the school year. He knew maybe 3, but was still passed to first grade.
I homechooled him the next year and he did much better.We redid kindergarten. He had seemed to mature quite a bit and my boss said she thought he would do fine in the private school where I worked. He only lasted 2 or 3 months there before they asked him to leave. So, I went back to homeschooling. Today was not a red letter day for homeschooling, but most days work well. He's calmer and happier at home (he had begun to have migraines while at the private school and although his neurologist tells me that migraines are common for kids with epilepsy (which he has), he has had none while homeschooling.
I worked and homeschooled last year, so it is do-able, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who likes sleep or wants to remain sane.
I feel your pain. My daughter had K-3, K-4 at a private school. Attended public school for Kindergarten- it went okay. 1st Grade? Disaster. She actually regressed. By the end of 1st Grade, she was reading at a lower level than she did in Pre-K. Why? Teacher was a violent bully. Complaints to the principal and school counselor fell on deaf ears- so I took it to the State and School Board level. The principal and teacher "retired" within 30 days. But my baby had to repeat the 1st Grade (at a private school). Long saga... she still struggles. I pay throught the nose for private (christian) school- since there is no other option available. There are uniforms, smaller class sizes and brainwashing sessions where they try to "disprove evolution". Oh my giddy aunt.
Hang on, it will be a helluva ride.
Awww.... Big warm hugs to you!
I remember taking my daughter to her first day of Kindergarten. I sat in the car and bawled like a baby. Now on the boys first day I did a little happy dance all the way to the car. Horrible of me!
Ending up homeschooling all of them:)
I hope Lo loves her teacher and her classroom.
so sorry you didn't get what you wanted for LO...and I am pretty sure you will never be happy with public school as it will never look like waldorf schools...a bummer for sure!
and it sounds like LO's classroom and teacher have already failed at the meet and greet...i just hope that you are pleasantly surprised.
our public school is used as a waiting place for those that do not get into montessori school, community school & waldorf school...it makes it great fun when they do get in and we lose a relationship we build...and it is frustrating as a teacher to be the waiting place...it makes it hard to invest time in families that don't want to be at the school they have stuck their kiddo in.
i am sorry if i sound like a downer, but i am on the other end of this conversation.
i really do love your blog and look forward to your posts...and i hope i am not stepping on your toes too hard. keep on typing from the heart!
Okay, you wanted a reality check...
Kindergarten is not evil. No, it isn't what you hoped and pined and planned for. But it will not have a permanent negative effect. The most important thing to focus on now is to continue giving her the wonderful homelife you always have. And it seems like you are intending on exactly that.
Personally, I loved my kindergarten. I had a sweet, intelligent, gentle teacher. Her name was Mrs. Wolf and she cheekily dressed as Red Riding Hood for Halloween. I remember the play time, the building forts and singing and coloring and time she had my volunteer firefighter father come in in full regalia to talk to the class. ("Who is that?"... "My Daddy!"... "But who is he?"... "My Daddy! o.O(giving her a 'what is your malfunction look')"... "But what does he do?"... "Oh! He's a firefighter!")
For Lo, I don't think any of it will be overstimulating or stifling. Granted, all schools are different. But I see her as being a bit like the quirky kid I was as a young one.
She won't fit in perfectly, but she won't mind it. She will do what she has always done with you and your family. Kindergarten will not change her nature. True, she won't be doing things the way you want. But... as a child that started reading and doing other things early, it's not always bad. She may even benefit from in in unexpected ways.
My advice is to just don't let yourself fret. Go with the flow for now. If you see something that *really* bothers you, talk to the teacher or someone else on staff.
Reading your post was heart breaking. I know just how I would feel in your situation. We homeschool but if that were taken from us there is no way we could afford private school. All Waldorf schools in the UK are fee paying and so are out of the question. So it would be the state system. I am sorry that homeschooling isn't an option and will say a prayer for you that a place comes free for your daughter as soon as possible.
Oh my dear...all I can do is send a big hug to you. I am hoping with everything in me that she will move up quickly on the list. One thing she has going for her is she has a Mommy who loves her an awful lot.
Much love... ♥
Greetings from Finland! I ve been reading your blog since last fall, and finally posting my first comment. First of all, I love your blog, enjoy reading your texts, and have seen some breath taking, absolutely beautiful photos here - thank you so much for sharing all that.
I am a mother of two, special needs Waldorf teacher and live in Finland. I am sorry to hear that you had to make a tough decision, but I am sure everything will be just fine.
Best wishes, Sanna
Here is a BIG HUG!!!!! and come to the west coast where we have a plethora of charter (free) waldorf schools! I challenge ANY waldorfian to come and look at our charter school here in phoenix and tell us we are not as good as any private school....we have it all baby!
Organ, California, Arizona and a few other states have LOTS of free waldorf schools....as steiner wanted it to be
Ooooh...so pretty! I love the new header!
Nice Banner! Love love love!
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