Bringing In

These trees

-emissaries of the woods-

heavy with snow and frost

bend in gentle inclination toward protection...

an embracement

 and receiving of all

 who travel through

.....in beauty.

Willa so tiny

I'm helpless but to allow my soul to be split open wide and to drink of all that I see and feel in a place like this.  This beauty, varying and shifting in its sameness as we fly through it with hearts beating hard, breath coming cold, warm, cold, warm, bodies moving in power....     I can't get enough of this indigo world!  What an inebriant!

New New Year's Meme

    

 Ya-fekkin'-hoo'!  Finally a new New Year's meme other then the SAME one that has been floating around webs for years!  Every year I Google around for a new and different meme but it's always the same one.  Actually found this one making the rounds on Facebook:

 

      1.   What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

First and foremost, that Dylan's ongoing mystery illness did not turn out to be any kind of auto-immune disease or IBD...or worse.  Turned out to be gastritis due to some virus.

      Also, upward mobility-emotional, economic, physical.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened? 

      Trying to accept the injury my body sustained (Iliotibial Band Syndrome) from doing too much too soon…and learning to listen to and respect my body’s need to heal.  Even if that meant not running until spring.


3. What was an unexpected joy this past year? 

          Our wild wacky Halloween night in Vancouver!

4. What was an unexpected obstacle? 

      Yeah…that would be being plagued with depression and anxiety at the beginning of the year.  Can’t say it came out of nowhere, I’d been having a bit of anxiety since my dad and uncle died, but the sudden drop and severity of it was definitely unexpected.  You know things are bad when I actually assent to going on a little Mother’s Helper.  I’m a big proponent of exercise, good diet, and open communication to stave off depression…but this just bowled me over.  So, thanks Lexapro.  Things got better right away. 

      And then there was the illiotibial injury in late summer.  After the highs of training, running races all season and a MARATHON, seeing myself become so much stronger in mind and body, being sidelined-perhaps till spring- was a huge blow.

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.
Challenge(as in “rising to the” )…heartbreak…evolution

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2012 (don’t ask them; guess based on how
you think your spouse sees you). 

      I guessed:  Challenge…injury…progress

              He actually said:  Progress…injury…growth


              7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2012 (again, without asking).

               I said:  Challenge…paradigm shift…progress

  He actually said:  Progress…re-ignite…snowy


8. What were the best books you read this year?

Born to Run (again), The Snow Child, Classified Woman

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

Miles, my kids, my bff Mel, my mom.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Rising from an amateur runner to a marathon runner!

 

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally? 

Early in the year Lexapro helped me to get back on track…challenging myself and getting myself moving took me to new hights emotionally.


12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually? 

I have been terribly LAX in working on my spiritual self.  The desire/need to do inner work has always come in waves for me…but life changes or just allowing life to beome too  routine has sometimes swayed my practice.  But the last couple of years have been seriously spiritually DRY!  And I have come to the realization that while I’m not an atheist,  I really despise any organized religion and nonsense having to do with our lord and savior sky daddy.  Thanks right wing evangelical douch nozzles and tea bagger freaks!  It all seems SO amazingly Troglodytic to me!  In a nutshell…my beliefs tend to lean toward a blending of a higher creator type, quantum physics, dimensions and energy.  Anyhoo, about 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt an incredibly strong need to spend some time going within and getting my energetic shit together.  I don’t know why it came on so strong…and all sorts of subtle messages have been pouring in regarding meditation and energy work….relevant songs and news reports on the radio, out of the blue book/website recommendations from random people, finding out that my 2 local go-to energy workers are no longer available to me-one died and one moved…

So I will be heading into this new year with the intent to establish a daily meditation /self exploration routine to help raise my vibration and shit.


13. In what way(s) did you grow physically? 

Running free, running happy, running strong!  I built up some killer calf and leg muscles, a stronger heart and lungs, and soaring spirit(I know, that belongs with #12)

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others? 

My relationship with my hubby is always stable in it’s evolution.  In not allowing life to get stagnant and too routine, our doors are always open to new experiences to share with one another.  We both truly relish the LIVING of LIFE!  I really enjoyed our running evolution with each other this year. 

As for other relationships, I am thankful for the wonderful friends I have…”growth”, however?  I think this year my relationships stayed the “same”…and, due to my earlier depression and later injury, I feel that I didn’t make myself very available for growth with friends.  My deepest friendships are with folks who are far away…and that makes me sad and longing for closer and/or newer relationships where I feel I can truly be myself…feel accepted, supported and respected for that. 

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work? 

Re: Massage Therapy:  Knowing I’m really helping the clients I work with…and having that backed up by stellar feedback!

Re: My art:  The pure physical and emotional expression and release that painting gives me.

 

16. What was the most challenging part of your work? 

Re: Massage Therapy:  Working for someone who does not respect Massage Therapy despite the above!  And the fact that there is no room for more holistic work.

Re:  My art:  Loosing my muse for long periods of stagnancy.  Feeling like I have to limit myself to a certain style or genre because that’s what sell, thus losing my muse.  See the cycle??  Plus, I hate marketing myself publically.  My shyness gets in the way.  I SHOULD be rising to THAT challenge…..


17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
I admit it.  Sitting in front of a screen, whether it’s the TV, my laptop, an iphone, etc.  is addicting.  My ADD brain goes right into hyper focus and the concept of time disappears.  I truly intend to head into the new year with a rigid schedule of when I turn this thing on and turn it OFF.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

 Challenging myself, in many aspects of my life, to keep pushing past my comfort zones a little at a time.  This year was lived WELL.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year? 

That I really am capable of rising to a challenge and achieving a lot.

 

 20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you. 

“2012 came in like Woody Allen and out like Buddha” ?

or

“The Year of Living on a upward trend of emotional peace and happiness, running hard, worrying, loving strong, letting go, waiting and waiting….all the natural process of evolution.”

 

And a very happy New Years to all!!!!

One extra day of Spring Break

Spring Eve...
 Willa and I played hooky yesterday.  ;}  I wasn't ready for Spring Break to be over.  And the sun was boomin', so, we went snowshoeing up Bear Pass.  Willa has hiked up there many times, but this was her first snowshoe to the top!  It was quite a challenge for her and I wasn't sure we were going to make it.  Despite the moaning and groaning she was inwardly determined to get herself up there.  And that she did.  We ate our lunches, explored and played around up top for awhile before heading back down.  Down is always the best part because you can slide quite a bit with your snowshoes!  Hearing her laughing and yelling out,"This is the FUNNEST thing I've ever done!" made my heart sing.  I'm so glad and honored that we are able to give her this magic.
WONDERFUL day....

Almost there!

HARDCORE KIDDO!!!!

Made it!  Whew.

So tiny against those mountains!

LOTS of people have been skiing and boarding here.  Tracks everywhere!

Snow angels

Biffed!  Dragon likes it, though!



And we get to LIVE here!!!

This morning's 3 am photo shoot!  After an auroral drought the last few years, this season's solar flares emitting class X coronal mass ejections have been giving us some beautiful displays!  Miles and I got Willa out of bed and bundled at midnight last week so she could finally see her first strong showing.  Afterward, still feeling zonked, I went back to my warm bed and husband but when I woke up in the morning I TOTALLY regretted not grabbing the camera for some shots.  After all, what's a late night now and then and how often have we  gotten to see such lights lately?!?!  So when Miles woke me up at not even the butt crack of dawn this morning I got right to it with my camera.  Geared up warm like the Michelin man, I stayed out in that magnificence until my fingers no longer worked-it was about 3 degrees.  SO worth the slight discomfort to stand outside while the valley slept...watching those ethereal waves dance and sway in the clear quiet.  The stars-and Mars-in audience.  Light wind...the occasional snap of a branch-ermine or moose?...the crunching of crisp snow. 
We get to LIVE here.
Fulfilled.

Light shower over our house

Straight up to the Big Dipper.

Denied....but SUPPLIED

After doing a few skis off the beaten path(i.e., well groomed trails) and gaining a newfound confidence in my technique this winter, I thought I would head out on the local trail up our valley to see if anyone had been skiing it. My improbable dream was that perhaps some hardcore cross country folk had established a nice trail back out to the lakes. What a glorious 5 miles trek that would be! Planting me out there at the base of those white mountains in the magnificent sun! But in the real world? It was an awkward semi-trail set higgledy-piggledy for about a mile at the most. Then the tracks just mysteriously ended. NOT conducive to my level of backcountry skiing(I've never done any) or my lack of appropriate gear(simple x-country ski package). It was a bumpy, deep, crusty,  hazardous on the downhill, SHORT attempt.  But what a fabulous place to be! Full glorious sun, blasting me in the face...inundating my retinas with much needed circadian rhythm altering light....

SOUL filling.......

Time to bring out the deck chairs for some sun sitting!

The following is based on a meditation that Willa and I have enjoyed doing for the last 3 years when we are outside.  At some point, we’ll take a break, sit together quietly…breathing…and then take turns stating the five senses and what we are observing for each.  i.e., “SMELL:  The pine trees warming in the spring sun”.  I believe I found this meditation from LittleAcorn Learning.  Today, I discovered a new blog-Bohemian Twilight- whos writer ends each post with something similar.  I think it’s a great idea to succinctly sum up a day, so I think I will incorporate this little meditation into my own posts.  Here’s today’s:


HEAR:  QUIET but for the sweet chirps of some hidden birds in the pines I skied through…

SEE:  A sea of windblown snow….waves stretching out before me into the sun...

SMELL:  The aroma of my favorite soap, “Tango” from Ogleby Sisters, wafting up as I sweat…

TASTE:  A lunch of soft tilapia taco with lettuce, tomato, and a Greek yogurt-salsa-lime juice-garlic dressing.  Wish I was tasting a beer as well!

FEEL:  An owie of a bruise forming on my bum cheek from falling today!

A wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!

Zero degrees and sun-kissed trees

As always, an abundance of things to be so grateful for....and a wonderful day with friends to remind us that gratitude should be acknowledged on EVERY day... I hold strong in my heart a commitment to give a moment of time each day to take inventory and offer thanks.

Over the river and through the woods that morning we drove to our friends, the T's, house for a full day of cross-country skiing, football, visiting and eating.  I LOVED that we started our day with  good, hard, most fabulous skiing up on the Powerline/Blueberry hollow trails!  It was so beautiful...gently snowing...the mountains around us were obscured, forcing us to appreciate the immediate beauty around us.  It felt SO good to get that fresh air and exercise, come back to a hot shower, relax with an adult beverage and not feel guilty about the big meal to be consumed!  Those people that I've always seen out running, skiing, biking, etc. on the morning of a big holiday?  They got it goin' on!  It made the day THAT much more sweeter....a feeling of having really earned it!

The rest of our 4 day weekend was spent with friends-testing the wine we brewed together a couple years ago, skiing, snow shoeing, watching movies, and decorating the house for the holidays.

Leaning tower of cranberry sauce

Hillside view from our friend's home

The obligatory Thanksgiving nap

Eats at the ready

Pre-dinner dress up

The innards of my apple-cranberry pie

Decanted wine awaiting our verdict.  Needs to grow for a couple more years!

Amazing alpenglow from our house

So much to be thankful for...

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Health

Daughters who make my heart burst as I watch them engaged in the simplest things in life.

A wonderful, supportive, handsome, sweet, funny, wise-ass husband and best friend.

Warm and fuzzy kitties.

A naked frog that lives on and on.

GREAT, dynamic, fun friends to share good food and rough terrain with.

2 fulfilling professions....the chance to help heal and the ability to create art.

A simple yet comfortable lifestyle.

The financial and physical ability to expand our home just enough to offer more breathing room.

The view from our windows

An unencumbered ability to feel and give love.....

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!!!!!
Since we STILL do not have a finished addition or dinning room-MAN!  I had hoped to be able to sit at our new dinning room table today and have friends come for T-dinner-we'll be packing up and trekking out to our friends house on the other side of the mountains for food and football.  At least we can sit back and not cook!  All we had to make where the pies!  Cheers!

Goodbye and good journey, sweet pups.

We said goodbye to my beloved boy yesterday. My first baby.

Niko had gotten SO old over the last two years. It seemed to happen so fast. One day he was just more hunched and crotchety, not so stable, his face looking more skeletal. Over time the arthritis in his hind end worsened and the muscles atrophied. There were growths everywhere. It had been a long time since he'd wagged his tail. In his old age, his inherent neurotic temperament intensified. Certain noises-a cellphone beep, Lo's squeals of laughter, setting the timer on the oven- all had him running scared to the door to find more peace and quiet. He found that a couple of years ago with new neighbors who built a house down the street. They are loving wonderful people who offered him a second more quiet (childless) home to come to when the daily business of our home was too much. Niko often visited us during the day-most often when I was home alone, and then would head back down the street to his second family when things got too overwhelming. As much as this broke my heart...I just wanted him to be happy and content, especially in his old age. My heart ached whenever he disappeared for a couple days and filled with joy when I would see his face at the door again. I wasn't going to FORCE him to stay home...it would have killed him. We are lucky to live in a mountain neighborhood where every ones dogs run free and get along for the most part.

I feel I inadvertently let my boy down-for it had been just him and me, 2 travelin' peas in a pod, for the first 6 years of his life. And when I came into Huz's and Dea's life the pack order changed and Niko wasn't an "Alpha" any more. And then again, when Lo was born. I know in my soul it affected him. But he was always surrounded by love. SO many people loved that dog throughout his life, everyone from family, friends, roommates, neighbors, strangers, clients and employers at work....He was so sweet and friendly. I think more people in this valley know Niko then they do ME and family! So often we would be hiking on the trail or running the road and strangers would yell out,"HI Niko!"! Where on Earth was that wiley boy GOING during the day when we weren't home?!?!?

Niko lived a wonderful life with a lot of adventure and travel. He got to live and hike in Montana, Seattle, and Alaska. How cool is it for an Alaskan Malamute to spend his final years in Alaska! He also got to fly on airplanes to Connecticut, New Jersey, and to visit my best friend and her pooch and fam in upstate New York. But hiking and backpacking was his FAVORITE thing. I'm so happy to have filled his life with it.

I hope he knows how profoundly loved he is and how many lives he touched. He helped his second mommy through breast cancer and recovery this past year. I hope he knows I'm so sorry it couldn't have stayed just him and me...that I thought the bigger the family, the more love for him. But it just wasn't always the right kind of loving for his sensitivity. I hope he is hiking, running and sniffing on glorious mountain trails with Attu, and Brett & Porter and Mur and Jackson....with a wonderful cool lake at the end.

Thank you, Bubba for so blessing my life, for being right by my side during the lonely years, for protecting my baby and I from that mama moose...for being so loving. My heart swells to breaking with my love for you.

FANTASTIC FRIGGIN NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a year and a half of waiting and all the fretting found HERE and HERE, I just got a call from Winterberry, our local Waldorf charter school saying that they have a spot for Lo in first grade in the fall, and did I want to take that spot?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After screaming such things as, "OH.MY.GOD!!!!! No WAY!!!!!! REALLY?!?!?!" and jumping up and down and sideways-you would have thought that I had just won a thousand bucks off of the local Morning Zoo radio-I, of course, answered with a definitive and definite,"HELLS YES!"(they're gonna love me there).

I have lost too much of that "Waldorf connection" over the past year without that daily support and participation in such an environment. I've tried so hard to hold onto that and am SO looking forward to immersing ourselves in it again!!!! On some level I've felt that I've been in this holding pattern for the past year...a place where time has stood still, where I was not able to really "get into" the events of the school Lo was going to and having such a hard time keeping the Waldorf in our home. I acknowledge that I've needed that help, that belonging to a Waldorf community, to keep organized on on track...I feel I can breath again...a block is gone and I can plan, I can break out the scroll saw for some toymakin' for the school, I can research into what is to come for Lo in first grade!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm am so excited for her!!!!!!

Huz in gonna have to peel me off the ceiling when he gets home!!!!!

Honoring the minutiae

One day last week we woke up to another warm cloudless day . Lo had the great idea of taking our yoga mats out onto the deck to "do some poses in the sunshine- OUTSIDE!". But I did her one better and suggested that we take our mats and a picnic on a hike to "do some poses in the sunshine- WAY UP ON THE SIDE OF Harp MOUNTAIN!!!!!". She was all for it. True to form, she donned her pretty pink fairy dress and powered like a tank with me up to the top of Celtic Harp-the first hump on the ridge leading to the top of Harp, and just the right amount of climb for a 5 year old...

Going for the "summit push" ;)

I've said it many times before-as it should be-that in some way I give thanks for this unbelievable place we live in everyday. Whether it's a simple Thank You out to the universe or a day of "worshiping in this church" (i.e., a few hours of loosing myself out in it and reveling in it all).
I reach for the perfect words to describe the soul expanding magnificence of this hanging valley surrounded by Chugach National Forrest. To watch our mountainous terrain continuously transform throughout the seasons is like witnessing the alchemy of gods. To go forth into it-from the bottom of the valley looking up at the monoliths around... or to traverse it's high ridges and look down upon its fecund floor... or across it for miles beyond is the experience of feeling both minuscule and infinite at the same time.

 

OM

In all this vastness, one can easily forget the wonderful exquisiteness that lay at our feet-no higher than the tops of our shoes. On our hike up Celtic Harp we were excited to find that the higher we went, the more tiny surprises there were to be discovered as we looked to the ground. Dustings of soft colors rising from the rock, brush, and mountain "driftwood"-a delight to see this early on-white mountain avens, a little snow gnome with a lichen beard, rocks shaped like continents,yellow tundra rose, purple oxytrope, fuzzy arctic willow, pink alpine azaleas, and lichen. Busy woolly bear caterpillars, spiders and lavender moths. Soft winter ptarmigan feathers discarded in the spring-a reminder of the white snow that so recently blanketed these slopes.

Our journey up was contrast of macro and telephoto.

The little things

Releasing a ptarmigan feather and a wish into the wind. Prayer flag style.

The descent and view down our valley toward Knik Arm

Upon our return home we looked back at our route from the deck and saw that we were tailed by a rainstorm. It produced the most shatteringly loud thunder I think I have ever heard! Two nimrods who had decided to hike to the top of a mountain across the valley from us(the highest peek in the pic above) to watch the storm come in were zapped by lightening. I always tell my kids,"NEVER UNDERESTIMATE HOW QUICKLY THE WEATHER CAN CHANGE!!!!!". Now I can add,"and don't go seeking out inclement weather in the places it's most likely to strike with deadly force!!!! DUH!!!".

Those 2 eejits were lucky to survive...
I have so much gratitude for that stunning day and that my little one and I made it home before this hit...