April 25, 2013

EVERY 15 MINUTES -Day 1


 
Fucking alcoholism....alcohol abuse......Just got word that one of Dylan's young relatives hopped into her car after a night of drinking and killed a passenger after wrapping it around a light pole or some such shit . Ironic given that today begins the program that Dylan and her student government peers lobbied to present at her high school, Every 15 Minutes. 

EVERY 15 MINUTES SOMEONE DIES AS A RESULT OF AN ALCOHOL RELATED COLLISION.  Think about that....
Local police and firefighters help the kids stage a very graphic mock collision complete with gore, totaled cars that were actually mangled in real-life drunk driving collisions, hysterical drunk driver, cops, and EMTs.  Random kids are pulled out of class and will become white faced, black clad "Walking Dead", representing those who die every 15 minutes. Dylan will be a Walking Dead today and we will not see her again until after the "funeral services" at her school tomorrow. Today, parents of crash victims and the Walking Dead will be visited at their work or home by police officers informing us that our child has been killed in a drunk driving wreck.  Fuuuuuuuck.   Tomorrow, both parents and victims present each other with letters written beginning with:  "Dear______, Every 15 minutes someone in the United States dies as the result of an alcoholic related traffic collision.  Today you died.  We never had the chance to tell you:"  Some will be read at the funeral service.

Update:  We just had our visit from 2 police officers. 
 
 
 

 Even knowing that this was a dramatization, my heart was in my throat, my head feeling woozy, thinking THIS is what parents may see in REAL situations.  A police car driving slowly in front of the house..."Hey, there's cops out on the street.  I wonder what's up?".  Officers emerge from their cars and start heading up YOUR driveway.  You see that one is wearing a Chaplain badge.  Oh my GOD what's happened?!  You take inventory...we're here, the kids are at school...right?  "What's happened."   Your door bell rings.  You open it to two somber officers.  This is what it would be like...."Are you Dana Pruner?".............................

I am SO PROUD of Dylan for being the catalyst to bringing this powerful program to her school....but I have been dreading this week for MONTHS! The officer visit, having to open up raw and compose a last letter to Dylan as if she where dead and gone, and then to attend the funeral for dead kids, ours among them.  The emotionality of it made all the more real by the fact that our girl has joined the Air Force and will be leaving the nest for good in under a month.  For 6 years there will be a risk-however small- that she may caught in dangerous situations.
While the officers did not play up the drama as we were expecting.....I am shaken.

 I cannot fathom what the parents, family and friends of the kid killed in the crash are going through....My heart and thoughts go out to them....and to the family of Dylan's cousin.  But most of all to my little girl who's life has been so negatively impacted by alcoholism, she remains embraced in my heart even when she is not near.

Here is the letter that Miles and I wrote for Dylan:

Dear Dylan


Every 15 minutes someone in the United States dies as the result of an alcoholic related traffic collision.  Today you died.  We never had the chance to tell you, one more time, that we love you.  Not just a quick “We love you” as you rush out the door, but a hug and a touch to the cheek, eye to eye, ”We love you so much , Honey.” We feel grateful that we let know you were loved every day by our words and actions, but when you know that you will never see your beloved daughter again, you can’t help but wish that every loving interaction could have been lived as if it where the last.  Our hearts shatter…wishing we could have done better….
We made vows to you at our wedding that we have tried our best to keep over the years…vows that we would open doors of opportunity, support you, try to live our lives with humor as best we can and to never let you forget how much we love you.  We can only wish that we were able to give you these gifts in a way that enabled you to feel whole, safe, happy and deeply loved…..beyond the moon and stars.

One of the greatest days of our lives was, of course, the day you were born….and we hope we didn’t drive you nuts through the years reliving this story over and over(cough daddy)….but when you are a parent looking into the eyes of your newborn, dumbfounded by the beauty of it all, soul soaring, it is the most wondrous thing.  Ever.  Holding this tiny thing and dreaming…hoping for the future…that you will do right for this sweet soul.  Watching this piece of you-the best piece of you- that smilingest baby- reveling as this little one grows into their own.

A part of our hearts and souls has died.  That baby being sung to into kitchen sink bath, that toddler exploring in the back yard garden-her cheek being bitten by an ant, that bright preschooler so curious about the world around her, opening her arms and heart to her “aunty”, the little girl always dressing up so silly when it was laundry time, the best big sister helping to cut her baby sister’s cord and helping to change her diapers, the adventurous pre-teen buying a kimono to wear at school and talking to her mother about budding boobies.  And as you grew and life became more “serious” you took on new challenges with strength and confidence.  We were so proud and excited to watch your evolution from little girl to young lady.  So proud of you for overcoming fears to try and take on what was important to you and to reach for your goals.

We are devastated that because of some careless idiot, we have been robbed.  We will never see you walk through our door again, or get a phone call or a silly text. We will never have the chance to see the woman that you would have become, to watch your dreams come to fruition, to pick you up if you should ever have needed us and to celebrate all that you could have achieved, to have been a part of your life and of the ones you may have loved as fiercely as we loved you.   To hold you close-whether you wanted us to or not-and say, ”We love YOU, little girl, for all that you are.  Never doubt it.  Never forget it.” 
You are entwined in our hearts and souls, your spirit always permeating, your smile always warming.  Always.  FOREVER.


We love you Dylan Rose Girlie Pruner,
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