I had to dig a bit for this one. Either I've repressed my really embarrassing moments....or I really haven't had too terribly many of them. It seems in the last decade, I've become more chill about these unfortunate events. What would have had me cringing in a cave in my youth just isn't that big of a deal anymore. I can laugh about this goofy shit and I generally have a more cavalier "oh, well. Shit happens!" attitude. THANK the gods. I tortured myself over the little things that attracted negative attention when I was younger. Now? Eh. What evz.
When I was a teen, the BANE of my existence was the fucking girl-stache that emerged on my upper lip. First it was light fuzz, no big whoop. But then it darkened and thickened a bit. My misplaced eyebrow MORTIFIED me. A fucking nose neighbor! I dealt with it by absolutely pretending that it did not exist. If the subject came up in ANY context I would completely shut off and ignore the whole thing Sarah Palin style. I stopped looking at my face in the mirror. I was too embarrassed to discuss it with ANYONE. I wasn't going to acknowledge it enough to actually take steps to do something about it...it was just my lot in life. As a matter of fact, there was nothing there, right? The subject did not exist.
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| NOT ME!!! Not my photo. 'Twas found via Google. |
So one day I'm dinning with family at my aunt and uncle's house. Midway through dinner, my sweet 4 year old cousin, Christopher, is sitting there staring at me. I smile. Talk continues. I glance again at my cousin. Still staring. I raise my eyebrows at him questioningly. Loud and strong above the conversation, that kid accuses, "Dana. YOU have a mustache." It's like the kid want's to know Waddaya gonna DO about it?! I attempt to take him down with a glare unmatched by any. He looks affronted by his discovery. I ignore him. I AM DYING INSIDE, CHILD. So he turns to the rest, "Dana has a mustache?". Everyone quiets down.
And from here the memory goes BLACK. No idea what happened. Perhaps my psyche fainted...id trumping ego. We'll never know. I love my cousin.
Happily, many years later, I finally went in for my first upper lip waxing. A revolution within!!!!BEST.THING.EVER!!!!!!!
Nowadays, I'm know for exclaiming to friends at the grocerystore , "Dig my red 'stache! Just got waxed!". It's good to be grown up.
