What he said....

I once knew someone, who at the end of our friendship-with-benefits, felt the need to tell me that no man would ever love me or take me seriously because I didn't have my degree.  This sweet gem of an opinion could not have come at a more vulnerable and tumultuous time for me.  I could not have felt more ashamed and unworthy of love.   At that time in my life I was dealing with the inner tug of war between desperately wanting to finish a degree and have a more fulfilling and stable career ....and not understanding WHY I had always had such a hard time with school(See previous post about my ADD).  I was already in debt with student loans and some other foolish financial mistakes-the amount seemed SO overwhelming at the time, but really, looking back I have to laugh at how little my debt really was!  But it seemed so insurmountable at the time.   I had recently moved to a new state, and was just wanting to spend time with friends and get my life on track.   I wish I could have seen back then that it wouldn't be long before I had my debts paid off and a stable career that allowed me to be with my kids as much as I liked while being able to earn upwards of $70-$90 an hour.   Hey, look! Now I'm worthy of love!  Oh, wait.....I don't have a 4 year degree.  Never mind.  Ha!  What a immensely STUPID thing to say to a young women!  So ugly, superficial, misogynistic, and lacking character.  Most of the shame that I now find in those words?  That I even considered that person worthy to be in my life.


If only I could go back in time and tell that 29 year old woman that a piece of paper is NOT what defines you or makes you worthy.  It's all about what you can give to the world....what you do to mend, learn from, and evolve your own life so that you can offer something wonderful to the people and world around you  ....It's all about how you treat others.  I love the Malcolm Forbes quote, " You can judge the character of other's by how they treat those who can do nothing to them or for them."   I would whisper in that 29 year old's ear  that man that you silently secretly love deep down in your heart loves you back as well and will be the one who adores you for who you truly are AT THIS MOMENT as well as that potential that is just brimming within you!...and who will share life with you, celebrating all that you will accomplish!   And YOU will be there for all of his as well.  Together, you are going to create a great life built on a foundation of respect, faith, and love for one another!

Over the years, those words,"No man will ever love you or take you seriously because you don't have a degree." have played over and over again in my mind.  Evolving in meaning and in the ways they affect me.  The whole, "No man will love you" part is laughable and holds no bearing anymore....but it's still the whole societal meme that you are less worthy of respect if you don't have a formal education that continues to have some kind of hold on me.  And while the impact of those words seem to fade over the years, there is still ignominy there.  I still cringe when the fact that I don't have a degree comes up in conversation.  I have to go back and remind that 29 year old.....

Don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE proponent for higher education....the chance to open so many knew doors of the mind!  At this stage in my life, if I chose to go back to school, I'm not sure KIND of degree I would use!  I like what I do.  I do often toy with the idea of just taking courses that stimulate me....And before I slip the mortal coils I could put them all together into a liberal arts degree and say, here!  Here is my degree!  But..... for what?  While I don't have a piece of paper on the wall, I consider myself an educated person.  I have always  enjoyed learning and expanding my mind.  I'm a seeker by nature.   Wouldn't I rather indulge in classes, online courses, books, travel...anything that interests and resonates with ME...FOR ME?

So that I can simply be a better human being....

I've know quite a few formally educated people who are complete pricks.  Degrees, yes.  Emotional/interpersonal intelligence.  HELL no.    Enjoy hiding behind that paper on the wall.